Friday, August 03, 2012

Stress test

I don’t think I talk about my relationship with Derek too often on the blog, other than little anecdotes here and there, which I do to add some humour and hopefully not pukey cuteness to your read.  Sorry if I make you puke – that is never my intention!

Obviously I am marrying Derek because I think he’s the best man in the world for me.  I consider him my best friend; someone who I feel comfortable telling anything to.  He makes me want to be a better person.  And to keep it real, I just love seeing him in his underwear.  Especially the tight David Beckham’s his mother bought him (thanks June!)...that's not weird, is it?

Since we started dating in July, 2009, I would say we’ve had an extremely successful relationship.  We trust each other 100%, there is no jealousy, and we have fun together with many common interests.  I chalk it up to the fact that we are both pretty easy going people with a lot of patience, who treat each other with kindness, above anything else. 

Another reason could be that we’ve basically just been having a lot of fun for the past 3 years.  We have not had to deal with any stressful events or situations so our relationship has never been put under any type of strain.  At one point I even brought this up to Derek, saying “what if we can’t handle it when something stressful comes up?” 

I know that our lives are only going to become more challenging with the addition of children, our aspirations for moving up the corporate ladder, and the cost of owning our own home.

Of course, Derek just assured me that we would be fine, and so I believed him and went along eating my sprinkle ice cream cone while walking through Candy Land.  For the record, my Candy Land is basically the Glebe Garage Sale and a high end home furnishing department store - moulded into one lovely avenue full of boutiques which allow sprinkle ice cream cones inside.

Fast forward half a year and we arrive mid-July, 2012: what feels like the busiest time in my life thus far.
  • My best friend is getting married mid-August and I am determined to throw her the most fabulous bridal shower and bachelorette party anyone has ever experienced.
  • Our condo closing date arrives and we have to fork over all our savings.
  • I must pack and move – something I’ve never been great at, as I am a number one procrastinator.
At this point, I’m thinking: maybe I should not have signed up for sports 3 nights per week.  On the other hand, I have no time or energy to workout so thank goodness I’m playing sports!

Miraculously we made it through July.  It was rushed and crazy and a LOT of fun!  My BFF’s wedding events went off without a hitch, and there were only a few slight wrinkles with our closing and the move.

Phewf!  “We made it!”  I thought to myself.  Our relationship can handle some minor chaos! 

But then August came, and like those hangovers that creep up a day late, so did the storm cloud over our Candy Land Relationship of vintage trunks and overpriced chandeliers. 

Along with being patient and kind, Derek and I are also stubborn and defensive; neither of us wanting to admit when we are incapable of doing something.  We pout and give each other the silent treatment, instead of addressing a situation and can be very passive aggressive.  It’s not pretty and very immature. 

I guess our busy schedules, lack of sleep, unorganized new condo and the stress of being first time home owners got to us.

It was hard.  Derek wasn’t acting like the man I knew, and I wasn’t acting the way I wanted to towards him.  I made excuses, saying to myself “He should feel lucky I’m not acting like even more of a crazy person considering how bad of a mood I’m in right now!”  In the back of my head I knew where I had been in the wrong and how I should approach the subject, but I was just too tired and stubborn to act like an adult.

In the end, our little storm cloud only lasted around 24 hours and we managed to work things out over a coffee at Bridgehead.  We didn’t plan to make-up in a coffee shop public...but it just sort of happened that way.  I apologize if you had to witness me crying into my coffee the other morning.  I don’t know what it is about serious, emotional conversations but I just always end up crying. 

In the end, we concluded that we are team and partners for life.  We have the same goals, share the same values, and love each other to death.  I’m not proud of the way we acted for that short period of time, but I am very happy with the way it was handled in the end and feel confident that we at least got a B on our first stress test.  Hopefully we have learned from our experience and will do better next time. 

A stress-free time in Montreal at Osheaga music festival.  If only we could spend every day lying on the grass, drinking beers and listening to good tunes.....

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